aye
should be doing homework but sat here typing this instead
anyway
life's been so boring lately, nothing much on, not doing much other than work. sometimes this gets me thinking, why? dad's been asking me for a day that he can take both of us out but i found myself telling him probably not yet, not done with my homework, alot more left to do. then everyday i find myself yet again wasting time, not following my plan and try to buck up, ending up either on the phone or ipad. i dont know why but it sucks it really sucks. it makes me feel so imcompetent, useless, hopeless.
i mean i dont feel that way just because i have alot of work and i'm lazy. i really am lazy when it comes to work. but i find it really strange why sometimes when you say you're gonna do something you just end up not doing it, and then coming up with an excuse as an effort to make yourself feel better? that kinda sucks.
honestly i want to do many things, but i just dont do it. and the excuse i give to myself? you're too busy, forget it you won't have time. well i think it sucks. i feel that this might not be only because of laziness, but a lack of confidence also comes in to play. we are always told to step out of our comfort zones, try new things, go new places, but we don't. well at least i somehow don't end up doing it. i personally find myself saying oh i wanna do this, wanna buy that, wanna go there, wanna try that... but no it never happens. and believe me or not this makes me really pissed with myslef and to a point where sometimes i hate mysef.
what if i had the confidence to do things i always wanted to do? what if i had the confidence to try new things? would life be any different?
change. change is something big that i'm afraid of. i want change but i don't have the confidence to. do you have that confidence? do you feel the same way as me, just that you are not afraid of a change? i urge you to go for that change, go out and do things, make your mark in this world, and not just sit down and talk about it, and never putting it into real actions. don't be afraid of change, embrace it.
xx
kel
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Saturday, December 13, 2014
update ; thoughts
well hello
finally got enough determination to post something!! just my thoughts though, actually written this when i was going through something earlier this year that i never really talked to anyone about. just thought i wanted to share it haha sorry if it seems like a rant!
I've realised something for a while now and it has been bothering me lately.
I honestly dont know how to put this into words but something just really bothers me.
Many people do not live. They survive. If you don't make it, you suffer.
Well yes, this may not be new to many. However this has become so common that it has been accepted as it is? This very fact irks me. Even more that people close to me do not know the purpose of their own life.
I've noticed that people i hold close don't live. They take it day by day, and survive everyday doing the same things, not wanting(or even willing) to put in the effort to make a change in their life, to live their life. Instead of wasting your time away, why not go out and do something good? Make a difference? People always tend to go for the temporary enjoyment. In the long run, are you really happy, doing what you are doing? Have you considered the consequences of your actions today that could impact you 10 years down the road?
I was once surrounded by all smiles, happiness and love. I regret today that i say i took it all for granted that it is all gone. Maybe that is why people stop living and start surviving. Maybe it is because people hate being taken for granted so they stop. Maybe it is because of the lost of this caring for others that people change. It sucks because its as though they lost their humanity.
Everyone wants the best, yes i agree. I understand the hunger for perfection. I have to admit that in this influence of society i hope for the best too myself. Its very hard to get the best of both worlds, not putting in effort but expecting the best - its not gonna happen. And then there's failure; you try hard hoping to soar up high, but the next minute you find yourself crashed onto the ground. Everyone has gone through failure, I have. And i know what it feels like. But aren't we taught to 'Never give up'? It may seem hard to pick yourself up from a fall, but you'll never be able to succeed if you don't. Maybe that is why many don't try again, they simply give in. If they try and try, but still do not get the best, they simply give up.
It hurts me to see that some people think of themselves as "failures" or "useless" just because of one fall. People have to realise they are worth much more than that. You are not simply defined just from one aspect, people need to realise this.
Stop hurting yourself and those close to you who treasure you. Stop surviving and start living.
xx
kel
finally got enough determination to post something!! just my thoughts though, actually written this when i was going through something earlier this year that i never really talked to anyone about. just thought i wanted to share it haha sorry if it seems like a rant!
I've realised something for a while now and it has been bothering me lately.
I honestly dont know how to put this into words but something just really bothers me.
Many people do not live. They survive. If you don't make it, you suffer.
Well yes, this may not be new to many. However this has become so common that it has been accepted as it is? This very fact irks me. Even more that people close to me do not know the purpose of their own life.
I've noticed that people i hold close don't live. They take it day by day, and survive everyday doing the same things, not wanting(or even willing) to put in the effort to make a change in their life, to live their life. Instead of wasting your time away, why not go out and do something good? Make a difference? People always tend to go for the temporary enjoyment. In the long run, are you really happy, doing what you are doing? Have you considered the consequences of your actions today that could impact you 10 years down the road?
I was once surrounded by all smiles, happiness and love. I regret today that i say i took it all for granted that it is all gone. Maybe that is why people stop living and start surviving. Maybe it is because people hate being taken for granted so they stop. Maybe it is because of the lost of this caring for others that people change. It sucks because its as though they lost their humanity.
Everyone wants the best, yes i agree. I understand the hunger for perfection. I have to admit that in this influence of society i hope for the best too myself. Its very hard to get the best of both worlds, not putting in effort but expecting the best - its not gonna happen. And then there's failure; you try hard hoping to soar up high, but the next minute you find yourself crashed onto the ground. Everyone has gone through failure, I have. And i know what it feels like. But aren't we taught to 'Never give up'? It may seem hard to pick yourself up from a fall, but you'll never be able to succeed if you don't. Maybe that is why many don't try again, they simply give in. If they try and try, but still do not get the best, they simply give up.
It hurts me to see that some people think of themselves as "failures" or "useless" just because of one fall. People have to realise they are worth much more than that. You are not simply defined just from one aspect, people need to realise this.
Stop hurting yourself and those close to you who treasure you. Stop surviving and start living.
xx
kel
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